Confessions of a Code Addict

Hello. My name is Ross, and I’m a code addict.

Code addiction is a very serious ailment, affecting one out of every hundred software developers living today. Until recently, it was thought that code addiction was simply being good at programming, but there is a darker side; the ghosts of long-dead bugs have come back to addle the brain and corrupt the spirits of the unfortunate few. Some may delude themselves into thinking that this deviant behavior is merely attention to detail, or a dedication to our craft, however the cold hard truth is that it is an affliction.

If you fear that a friend or loved one may be a code addict, please, seek help immediately.

Signs of a compulsive coder include:

  • Never admitting to having a problem, but rather constantly decomposing problems into several smaller problems.
  • Kerning Dyslexia. The inability to read fonts which are not monospace.
  • White-space obsession. Code-addicts like myself cannot read code which is considered “sloppy” by our own standards. His or her format-document key bindings will be worn smooth from overuse, and you will often find whole swaths of your code re-indented for “readability reasons”.
  • Editor envy. Questions such as “Does your editor support macros?” and “Can I change the font and color settings?” will be commonplace. Resist the urge to let them install EMACS on your computer. It is almost certainly a mistake.

Sadly, there is no known cure for code addiction. To avoid inducing a fit of nerd-rage, ensure that your variables are named correctly, and that you follow best practices. The best we poor addicts can do is echo the following string to stdout, and hope for the best.

Compiler, grant me the serenity to accept the code I cannot change,  Courage to change the lines I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. Writing one function at a time; Enjoying one cycle at a time;  Accepting bugs as the pathway to production.

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